imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
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uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
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The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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