I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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