Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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