Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
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