I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy sore nipples Batman
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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