I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Duck Duck Cougar?
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy sore nipples Batman
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize