listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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