i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
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I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
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I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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