His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
My vagina is very pro this idea
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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