Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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