My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
God I need to hump something, right now.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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