Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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