ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
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Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
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Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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