I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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