if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
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is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
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