M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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