somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize