yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize