In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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