So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
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She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
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I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I am never drinking with the goths again.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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