Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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