I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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