Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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