what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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