It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
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I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
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You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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