The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
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at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
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I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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