I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize