I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
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So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
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I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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