no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
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i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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