there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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