we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
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