if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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