I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
kristin has been a bad kristin
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
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His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
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It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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