I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
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id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
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And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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