good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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