If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
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Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
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i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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