I think my vagina is haunted
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
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I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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