dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
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I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
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I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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