you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize