You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
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from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
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her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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