He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
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all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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