So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize