you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
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