Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
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Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
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I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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