Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
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Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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