i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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