I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize