People in love make me want to vomit
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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