I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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