alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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